R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
