omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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