i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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