dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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