if only i could text you this smell
He kissed a someone with a penis
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The uberlube is also flammable
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
