What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
