Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My bed smells like the plague
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
