If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
