tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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