have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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