Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
last night I used snow as a chaser
i think we sleep fucked last night...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
