In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
