1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
