Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
