I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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