I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
