Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
