oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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