We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
