We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
