Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
