STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
