So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
