Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
