You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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