Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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