I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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