He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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