Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
