you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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