She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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