I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
