you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
