He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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