somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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