It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
