Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
