Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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