elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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