garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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