I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
