its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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