okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
