he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
