Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize