I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
