mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
