Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
