Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
