You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
