Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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