His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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