His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
