I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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