Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
