yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
