When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
