i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize