Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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