dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
