For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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