Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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