you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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